Recently, the old adage of “it’s always the ones you least expect” came into a surprisingly apropos light here on Orcas Island. Kind of. Straight-A middle school student Jacob Wright has recently fled the county following his exposition as the leader of an underground crime syndicate. This comes as a surprise to those close to him, who always saw him as a shining example of moral fortitude and a dedicated trombone player. However, to those who viewed Wright from afar, the news didn’t come as much of a shock. Several high school students report seeing him in his numerous button up shirts and ties on campus, and admit they suspected he might be up to something. “I mean, he looks like a mob boss. Like one out of the movies.” Said tenth grader Moose Kinsey. “I thought he might just be an aspiring businessman, but – and I don’t mean to be stereotypical – I swear I heard him slip into an Italian accent once.”
Wright’s activities in this organization are still coming to light, but what we know so far is shocking. Wright has allegedly been distributing powdered chocolate milk mix to elementary and middle school on days chocolate milk was not served in the cafeteria for almost a full year now. The decision to only serve chocolate milk on Fridays was made by the school board several years ago, as an attempt to reduce children’s sugar intake. Wright and his goons took matters into their own hands by smuggling and supplying his fellow students with the contraband powder needed to transform the standard 1% cafeteria milk into sweet, chocolate-y ambrosia.
Enabling the addiction of his peers came with consequences. As word began to spread throughout the student body, demand increased. High school students, out of district customers, and some teachers asked for the mix from Wright. He resorted to less than savory measures to keep up with the need of clients. He would exploit his excessive knowledge on obscure northwestern train routes to distract and impress his suppliers – who choose to remain anonymous – into giving him unnecessary deals on his bulk chocolate mix purchases. “I feel exploited. Coerced even.” The supplier said in an interview. “All because this thirteen-year-old kid made me feel like he was smarter than me.”
After being discovered and exposed by frustrated clients tired of their dependance on Wright and his supplies, he chose to flee with no word to the press or his fellow peers. Last known sighting placed him in Anacortes, boarding a train headed East.