Dispelling the Lizard Rumors

claire lizard

Look! A simple humanoid / Photographer: Claire Bishop-Martin, who can physically take this photograph, because the two Claires are not one unified chameleon being

Recently there have been rumors spread around the Orcas Island High School campus that lizard people walk among the students and faculty. These rumors must be stopped, as there is simply no validity to these claims. Lizard people do not exist, and these rumors have had a negative impact on those accused of being lizard people. The Viking Voice caught up with recently accused lizard person Ray Doss and he told us, “After the school newspaper published that I was a lizard person, my life instantly went downhill. People started giving me food with worms in it, insisting it was food that I, as a lizard person, would enjoy. They weren’t even mealworms, just garden-variety earthworms.”

claire as lizard

Claire Bishop Martin in her natural habitat, which is not where chameleons live / Contributed photo

Despite the emotional turmoil that these rumors have caused, they still manage to spread rapidly throughout our school. The most recent of these rumors being that I (Claire Bishop Martin) and Claire (Claire Orser) aren’t two perfectly normal high school students, but in fact one singular chameleon lizard entity. This statement simply is not true. Claire Orser’s hair doesn’t constantly change colors depending on her mood at a given moment, she dyes it like that. Also, the fact that everyone who’s gone to school with us has gone with both of us is just a coincidence. Our birthdays are different, and we’re frequently seen in separate rooms from each other.


Haha! What a nice parade ride with three, completely separate human beings / Photographer: Pseudonymous, the whacktivist group

As these rumors continue more actions are being taken against those who continue to tarnish the good name of our students. Soon a redaction will be published taking back the slanderous accusations made in the previous newspaper, and disciplinary actions have been taken against the individuals credited with starting these rumors.