Aries: Fight you.

Taurus: I have decided to join the circus. You shouldn’t though.

Gemini: Unanimously voted most likely to down three cartons of unpopped popcorn.

Cancer: You know what? I don’t.

Leo: Google says that we’re defensive. What? I’ve never been defensive in my entire life.

Virgo: Is that… it is a goat. RUN.

Libra: If the length is 35 meters, the width is 18 inches, and the tangent is 3.0027, what is the surface area of my eye?

Scorpio: It’s always the Treaty of Paris. Always.

Sagittarius: You are hungry because I am hungry. And tired.

Capricorn: Life is a highway, and I’m gonna… wait what?

Aquarius: You know that feeling when you look at someone and you realize that they are all that matter? Me neither.

Pisces: If I don’t make it, tell my pet chinchilla I love him.