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May 8, 2025
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Category: Legitimate News

Featured Athlete: Gabe Smith

We have many greats among us, and maybe some that will go professional. Our athletes are all very talented...
Legitimate News

OHS Principal: Famed K-pop Star

Last year, Orcas Island Middle and High School Principal Kyle Freeman embarked on his path to fame as a...
Legitimate News

The Boys Are Back in Mint

As the boys basketball team sweeps through their season, gaining first in their league and wowing audiences with their...
Legitimate News

San Juan Islands to Build Bernie Sanders Statue Likened to Christ the Redeemer

San Juan County has vehemently opposed the newly inaugurated Donald Trump. To show solidarity against the President, Orcas Public...
Legitimate News

An Analysis of the Performance Art “Lightsabers”

At first glance, “Lightsabers” appears to be a dull mockery of both its brilliant Marxist precursor “Cereal” and a...
Legitimate News

A Foray Into The Oligarchical Cesspit That Is The Senior Class

What led class leader Matia Schwartz down this dark and dismal path of tyrannical rule? What actions were made...
Legitimate News

Horoscopes: Your Future! Come Get It!

Aries: Life is full of many beautiful and exciting opportunities. Don’t take any of them. Mediocrity is key. Taurus:...
Legitimate News

Time Traveling Students in the Basement

In the past few weeks, rumors have been flying around from teachers and students. A few injuries have been...
Legitimate News, Satire

Chesher Unveils New Fashion Line

The SS16 Chesher line was revealed earlier this spring to the delight of many fashion critics; the shift towards...
Legitimate News

Aunt Sally: Trouble with My Milk

Dear Aunt Sally, The milk ran out. I knew this day would come eventually, but I feel so unprepared....
Legitimate News

Quiver and Shake: Our Lizard King is Here

Esteemed readers of our publication, take our warning and take a seat when we recommend, for your own health...
Legitimate News

Be Great, Be Guy

There are literally no benefits to existing as you currently are. Look: we understand you might like having hair...
Legitimate News
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