A Foray Into The Oligarchical Cesspit That Is The Senior Class

Charlie Holmes strikes down revolutionary Brother Murphy / Photographer: Axel Greening

Charlie Holmes strikes down revolutionary Brother Murphy / Photographer: Axel Greening

What led class leader Matia Schwartz down this dark and dismal path of tyrannical rule? What actions were made within the committee this past month? These are the question the public need answered, and we’ll attempt to answer them.

This past year The Viking Voice has waited in the dark, looking for reasons to indict the corrupt senior class officials. Finally, just this last month following the 2016 homecoming, Charlie Holmes, hand of Schwartz, was heard screaming at fellow committee members about the “lack of control and empathy” from the common people. This comment falls in line with Holmes’ incredibly questionable track record.

According to an inside source, Holmes in past years has becoming increasingly antisocial, drawn to his books about “totalitarian regimes and fairy tale utopias”. Holmes is only the first of many ousted to have authoritarian streaks within the senior class ruling council. Students are convinced that Schwartz may be next.

In an exclusive interview with radical protester and fellow classmate Brother Murphy, he admitted that she had “contacted me twenty days ago regarding some informal endorsement,” saying that “the only thing she needs is a reputation boost” to be in control of the senior class. Murphy, soon after this interview, received multiple “mad face” emojis from Schwartz.

At the time, Murphy says he was “feeling like my life was threatened. The cops wouldn’t take me seriously when I told them that Matia Schwartz was planning on boosting her public image and was attempting to install an oligarchy within future classes at OHS.” What Murphy came to realize is that many of the same people indicted in the class government scandal were people who time and time again had opposed class involvement.

The infamous speech from Schwartz’s senior term election reminded us that “we are not a class that gets things done. We need a strong oligarchic system that is exclusive to those who are ‘cool.’” While some students were silently troubled by her confusing wording, others publicly voiced their opinions, but were quickly shut off by Schwartz’s key proctors. The election was given to Schwartz.

Along with her and the cabinet, many other past leaders have been indicted as fascist dictators. The famous president Ray Doss, who transformed the school with his charisma, was later revealed to be a anti-freshmanist. Not four years earlier the infamous “lunchgate” scandal occurred, causing many people to take to the cafeteria, demanding that better lunches be served.For now, we only know that something is wrong. In order for change to take place, we need democracy. I plead everyone who cares to exercise your democracy and vote in Gunnar Sandwith as Symbol of the Fatherland’s Unification after the revolutionaries overthrow the current establishment and hold a much-needed election by the people, not the very corrupt government.