Where did all the skissors go?

Ellie Wright shocked that there is one good pair of scissors in class / Photographer: Eve Eon

In Corey’s Room, also known as the art room, or the room of creativity, there has been an exponential loss of scissors. In particular, it has been reported that the room contains very few quality scissors.

The local police … scratch that, the local child investigators of mysterious disappearances have determined the cause of the missing items to be a “Skissors Monster.”

This mysterious monster appears to only take quality scissors. When students try to cut their plaster sheets in Advanced/AP Art, the scissors only prove to destroy the sheets, and not in a way that students like. These monsters are of the Lemonade Monster variety, if you do not know what that is then you just don’t know.

They steal items of importance in the deep murk of the night. They have proven to be particularly drawn to the scissors that actually cut. Corey Wiscomb, the high school art teacher, continues to buy new scissors. Which is easier said than done with the minuscule art budget.

AP Art Student Ellie Wright said, “I find it to be preposterous that I cannot go into art class and have a reliable set of scissors waiting for me to cut my collage pieces and plaster strips. The scissors the monster leaves behind barely even fold the paper and plaster.”

One day a student left behind their bag that contained a beloved pair of razor sharp scissors, and in the morning, the scissors were gone.

The lore of the “Skissors Monster” reverberates through the school, as no other classrooms appear to have quality scissors. Stainless Steel unbranded scissors that students love, go missing in the night.

Reportedly this pushes students to the verge of blinding rage when their medium gets roughly cut and ruined.

The mystery of the “Skissors Monster” has proven to be a puzzle nobody can solve. Even when staff spend the night to guard their sharpened cutting instruments, they still go missing. The monster eludes all that seek to solve the problem.

This issue will likely continue for generations as Lemonade Monsters have large litters. We hope one day they will build a taste for the bad quality scissors, and leave the beloved pairs alone.

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