Gemini: May 21- June 21 – Painting your nails isn’t the same as accessorising.

Cancer: June 22- July 22 – Beware of canned cheese. If someone asks you to consume it say no.

Leo: July 23 – August 22 – Wander the woods, you will find good fortune there.

Virgo: August 23 – September 22 – Early twentieth century philosophy can’t be your whole personality. Explore other interests.

Libra: September 23 – October 23 –  If you were a bird you’d be a really sick and cool bird.

Scorpio: October 24 – November 21 – When searching for decor you will find an excellent ottoman. Buy it.

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21- Mow your lawn in a fancy pattern if at all possible.

Capricorn: December 22-January 19 – Your shoes don’t always have to match your shirt, I promise the outfit will still be good.

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18 – “He likes a Boggy Acre/A Floor too cool for Corn”(A Narrow Fellow in the Grass by Emily Dickens)

Pisces: February 19 – March 20 – You’re potentially being haunted by a man with quiffed hair. To throw him off you should bathe in spring water or strawberry fanta.

Aries: March 21 – April 19 – Never trust electric cars. You can drive them, but don’t believe a word they say.

Taurus: April 20 – May 20 – Cook over an open fire this summer.