This issue of The Viking Voice will allow the Weather and Fun Stuff Club to end its tradition of secrecy and lack of detailed information regarding its purpose. What follows is the first of a series of quarterly reports on club news and what we have been up to.
The coming weeks are going to be big for the Weather and Fun Stuff Club; next week’s guest speakers include environmental activist and former politician Al Gore, with whom we will discuss the current progress we have made in our collaborative effort undertaken in January by the Weather and Fun Stuff Club policy officers and former vice president Gore. These efforts tried to introduce comprehensive legislation to Congress that would mandate major incorporated corporations to publicly disclose their intentions pertaining to future developments, undertaken by said corporations, that would have a potentially damaging effect on the irrigation of environments that are home to integral North American long grasses, such as arboreal long grass, hillside long grass, and big Louisiana long grass. “It is an important issue that has been overlooked for too long. These kids and I have made major headway,” Gore said.
The drafts of the proposed legislation penned by the Weather and Fun Stuff Club policy officers and Nobel prize winner Gore have already garnered support from key US senators, including North Dakota senator Heidi Heitkamp, who mentions: “This issue has had an impact on a great deal of things, but has gone mostly unnoticed. I trust that these kids can make a lot of progress.” At the end of his weekly address to the people, Hawaii senator Brian Schatz even mentioned the issue: “It’s a big deal, and people wouldn’t tell you that.”
The scouting division of the Weather and Fun Stuff Club has expanded, now covering central growing areas for these long grasses and has also written a comprehensive report. I spoke to the scouters on their findings; they gave me the harsh truth: “This grass just can’t hold out for much longer. Those g*ddamned corporations need to tell us what they’re doing to the grass.”
One high officer of the club was very skeptical of the scouters’ findings and the focus on long grass irrigation as a whole: “They don’t know what they’re talking about. Like, the grasses out there are perennial, right? They’ve been around long enough that they can easily survive the inconsistent irrigation that we’ve been seeing. I wish people would believe me when I tell them that I have received violent threats, not only by the scouts, but by Mr. Gore himself due to the fact that I had dared to suggest that we divert our effort toward legislation that would give tax incentives to corporations that take steps to preserve the marshland habitats of land snails.”
That is it for the report. As always, we meet in room 603 on Friday at lunch. Come on in and enjoy fascinating conversation about the weather and other “fun” stuff. Membership is free and the agenda changes every week. The only requirement is to clean up after yourself before you leave.