The Final Horoscopes

Aries: Do not ask me what the meaning of life is. I say it is french fries and peanut butter, but that is probably incorrect.

Taurus: When in doubt, eat a lot of donuts. And ugli fruit.

Gemini: Who? What? Oh, he is in the parking lot riding his scooter.

Cancer: Everyone’s favorite food: kumquats!

Leo: Why are grapefruits so big? Probably the same reason why life is hard.

Virgo: I am so good at taking IQ tests.

Libra: 95% of people who read this don’t find the problem in the the sentence: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.

Scorpio: When life gives you oranges…

Sagittarius: Can I please get another porcupine? It will only be my 458th.

Capricorn: My favorite sound is an octopus opening a jar of jam covered in plastic wrap underwater.

Aquarius: Beware of falling lemons, unless you live in Florida.

Pisces: Ma’am, please bring the pound of limes back. You said you only wanted the peels.

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