Senior Prank Fail

The cockatoo exploring the school’s vents / Photoshopper: Thian Armenia

You may think that the first few weeks back to school would have been uneventful, but thanks to the senior class, a back-to-school prank resulted in a national scandal for the Orcas Island School District. April Fool’s pranks have been a long-standing tradition at Orcas Island High School, with the seniors usually coming up with the most elaborate ones of all. After the class of 2020 was denied this right of passage due to the COVID pandemic, this year’s senior class was not going to be cheated out of the sweet taste of mischief. However, in their quest to make up for two Senior classes worth of April Fool’s pranks, they crossed the line into mayhem and chaos.

The idea seemed simple to begin with: to bring a single horse into the commons. But in an effort to outdo one another, all the seniors brought their favorite farm animals. No one could have ever imagined every senior would bring at least one pet. In total, there were two horses, three cows, two donkeys, two miniature horses, five Pygmy goats, four pigs, three ducks, nine chickens, three cats, five dogs, and a cockatoo. The class thought they could keep them all in the commons, so barriers were placed to keep them contained until the ultimate prank was revealed the next morning. The pandemic year has been rough on everyone and clouded the judgment of the senior class. They believed the farm animals and cockatoo could “play well together” for a night. It must have been the cows that broke the barriers and let the animals free to roam the school. And roam they did. When the doors were open the next morning, Janna Carter was the first to arrive at the scene. Her first instinct was to start taking temperatures and maintain social distancing among the beasts, but then she remembered the school had a faculty member with a rare gift. Val Hellar saved the day using her unique and hidden animal whispering talents. She seemed to have a calming effect on the disoriented animals. No one could remember Hellar ever being this quiet for so long. Within an hour, she directed the animals out of the building, using mind control and strange hand gestures. Unfortunately, one of the horses was severely injured, but now its condition is “stable”

As of now, one animal remains in the building. The cockatoo has found a home nesting in the ventilation system. The school has tried to lure it out with birdseed but it seems to have made itself a comfortable home. Every so often, you can hear the cockatoo in the vents. With the ability to hear teenagers all the time it has learned all the newest teen slang like, “Sheeeesh” and “That’s cap”. It also likes to mimic Coach Wilson during testing, when the students are at their quietest, mimicking: “With that being said, with that being said.”

It seems that the seniors will face no consequences for their actions. The school has agreed to drop all charges brought forth by the police as a result of the incident including: breaking and entering, animal endangerment, u n l i c e n s e d animal breeding, and unlawful use of a cockatoo. Unfortunately, this story has spread far beyond our island and has become a national embarrassment. However, due to the high publicity of the story, Hellar is now in demand among the animal whisperer elites and will soon be interviewed by Oprah.

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