Mr. Toilet himself / Contributed Photo
As a tribute to Matthew Patrick’s (colloquially known as Matpat) official retirement from his Youtube channel Game Theory on March 9, I decided to follow in his footsteps and theorize on a topic that I believe is urgent for our modern society to be made aware of. Social media has its fair share of brain rot; some may recognize the phrases “sigma” or “rizz” in the passing speech of classmates. But in the next three decades, I believe that our society is doomed if it is to be led by the generations Alpha and Beta.
Skibidi Toilet is a character that has rampaged across the internet and infected the brains of our youth. He first begins his hypnosis by bursting his head through the seat of a toilet, and then he proceeds to chant his siren song, “Skibidi dub dub dub yes yes,” which has proven to be exceptionally alluring to the very absorbent and easily distractible child’s mind. To spread the virus, these children infected with Skibidi Toilet Syndrome will then mimic the song like a parakeet to their friends; further spreading the malice of Skibidi Toilet to more innocent, manipulatable kids. This kind of pattern is seen in the 2020 virus pandemic COVID 19, which need I remind my readers: shut down our civilization for three years. Imagine what Skibidi Toilet could do to our society if we continue to allow the youth to access and watch this despicable content.
My brother, Yusef Guzauskas, a recovering Skibidi Toilet Syndrome victim, has been fighting to maintain his autonomy from his abductor, Skibidi Toilet. “It’s been tough you know. I’ve been struggling with going to the bathroom without the urge to jump inside and sing his tunes. I have to remind myself that he’s not real- but sometimes the voices are too much,” Yusef says.
I noticed he had a solemn face, but behind his stoic facade, I sensed the terror beneath his eyes. “Sometimes in the night, when I’m sleeping, my mom has to wake me up because I sing his song in my night terrors.” I think that it is vital for President Joe Biden to ban Skibidi Toilet- not just for the betterment of our livelihoods but also for our civilization’s future. “Our society is exponentially at higher risk while we allow the children to absorb such brain-rotting social media; especially Skibidi Toilet,” according to Albert Einstein, a well known genius guy. “99.9% of youth who contract Skibidi Toilet Syndrome will never fully recover to average brain mass.”
If we fail to cease this content, humanity is doomed to crumble beneath the hands of the repugnant, abominable Skibidi Toilet. I urge our people to come together and stop this plague at once.
To switch up the topic here, I would like to thank Matpat and his team for inspiring me to write this article. I grew up watching his content and seeing him retire is bittersweet, but also so amazing at the same time. Rewatching Game Theory videos just reignites all this nostalgia and love for all my old interests and hobbies. I remember just like it was yesterday discussing the latest Game Theory at recess with the rest of my buddies. With utmost sincerity, I wish Matthew and his family the best, and if he ends up reading this, just know I am a huge fan. Thanks for being who you are, man.