Aries: Do not worry, calories during quarantine do not count.

Taurus: Bad internet connection does not excuse your obvious lack of concentration during class.

Gemini: Happy Birthday! Have fun celebrating from the comfort of your own home.

Cancer: Sun’s out guns out? More like sun’s out chub’s out, am I right?

Leo: We get it, you are bored, but for goodness sake stop posting on your Instagram story.

Virgo: Turning your camera off is not fooling anyone. We all know you just do not want to get out of bed.

Libra: Your cute animal posts are the one source of happiness we have left. Please continue to share them.

Scorpio: We see you buying those roller skates and ring lights — please do not rely on your TikTok career to save you from a college education.

Sagittarius: We have not heard from you in weeks… Are you still alive out there?

Capricorn: PSA: Wearing a mask will not work if you never wash it.

Aquarius: We admire how you are flourishing in quarantine — if only we all could be hermits like you.

Pisces: Apparently your sign has the highest number of serial killers. With fewer potential witnesses out and about, now is your chance to shine.

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