It’s just me, a bug, as you know. Just wondering if you’ve got some fruit. No big deal or anything, my recent loss of property just left me out here alone. It’s not a biggie if you don’t have anything, just wondering if you’ve got some place I can unload, you know. God, my home was completely decimated last year. You know those healthy lunch things they’re doing these years? Yeah, I hate to say it, but it’s like people have no respect for me, a bug, any more. As a bug, you’ve got to have your poop cavern apple, your hideout, and your food apple. It’s really a hassle, and to have someone just take you away from your basic infrastructure? To have the audacity to annihilate your poop cavern? It’s just absolutely savage.
Let me tell you how this all went down. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I was simply minding my own business, as one does, pooping in my cavern and taking a bite of the enclosure, when I experienced a sudden change in gravity. It’s almost as if I was being lifted. It was simply quite harrowing and the experience alone would have left me scarred for life. Not ten minutes had passed until I felt the sharp shock of bone grazing my tail and pressing into my poop cavern. I can almost imagine the sheer horror now upon the face of my reader! You’re terrified, right? At this point I was nearly on the verge of a panic attack until I looked out of the hole and peered out at this massive face. “Quite frankly, I’m shocked,” yelled the face, who can only be named the Supreme Literal Homewrecker from this point on. Supreme Literal Homewrecker went on to explain, “the last thing I expected was a mouthful of poop when I bit into that apple. I mean, I didn’t think organic locally grown apples could become diseased at all, that only happens to GMO’s, right?” So now respectable bugs hanging out in the privacy of their very own poop caverns in their very own homes are diseases? The abandon! A GMO! As if!