Aries: Do not even mention the overdue earthquake we are expecting. 2020 is full of enough disasters already.

Taurus: Believe us, it is better for everyone if you put on pants before class just in case.

Gemini: How are you going to get through November without all the candy you usually hoard from trick-or-treating?

Cancer: Well, technically your Darth Vader mask does work as a face shield.

Leo: We know how much you love Halloween, but please keep your pandemic exposure to watching Contagion.

Virgo: Just a reminder: the line between relaxing during an online class and completely falling asleep is a very fine one.

Libra: Stop talking about Christmas! It is not even Thanksgiving!

Scorpio: Happy Birthday! Perhaps you thought having a fall birthday would save you from COVID related restrictions? You were wrong. Have fun celebrating alone.


Sagittarius: Running from Navigation to Reactor in “Among Us” does not count as exercise.

Capricorn: Listening to “Sweater Weather” on repeat certainly will not solve all your problems, but that does not mean you should not try.

Aquarius: We only find it a little funny that in the middle of a dangerous pandemic you are the most scared about the needle in a vaccine that may not be ready for months.

Pisces: Quarantine has changed you, and we are not sure it is for the better.


, ,