Aries – Happy Aries season! Friendly reminder that while “birthday weeks” can be a thing, “birthday months” get excessive.

Taurus – No matter how hard senioritis is hitting, just remember you could be in middle school, and somehow nothing is worse than that.

Gemini – Drive fast, party hard. You are too young for a midlife crisis.

Cancer – Looking at flights every time you are minorly inconvenienced is only appropriate if they land in Venice.

Leo – Let’s be honest, listening to the same three songs over and over is just barely coping.

Virgo – March 30th happens to be National I Am in Control Day, so take a break from spiraling for 24 hours! It will be good for you!

Libra – DO NOT DYE YOUR HAIR BLONDE. DO NOT GO TO PARTIES. Please. This is a warning.

Scorpio – Sorry we’ve been so harsh lately, you are actually very sweet and kind. April Fools!! Work on yourself.

Sagittarius – You are not a bad person, you deserve the world. We hope good things come your way :))

Capricorn – Summer will be here in less than three months, then no more essays or projects. Keep holding out for the ice cream!

Aquarius – Constructive criticism can be kind. “Those are the ugliest shoes I have ever seen” is neither constructive nor kind.

Pisces – Check your screen time. Reevaluate. Touch grass.