Aries – Birthday weeks are a thing, but birthday months are excessive. Calm down.
Taurus – Perfectionism is a disease sis, get well soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gemini – Lay off the caffeine. Seriously. You look like an NYC gutter rat.
Cancer – Please don’t cry… there are only 10 more Mondays of school left!
Leo – Your hair looks fine, you don’t need to spend 50% of the day in front of a mirror.
Virgo – No new Euphoria episodes until 2023, time for you to find a new life purpose 🙂
Libra – Your March Madness bracket might be falling apart, but that’s not an excuse to be mean to your friends 🙁
Scorpio – Did you fall in love with an emo girl, or are you the emo one?
Sagittarius – Your goal of becoming TikTok famous is admirable, but you still have to look at colleges.
Capricorn – Sorry about last edition…
Aquarius – You’re the best!!! Absolute icon!! Learn how to do dishes!! Please!! It’s disgusting!!
Pisces – If you spent as much time doing homework as you do procrastinating it, it’d already be done.