Aries – Birthday weeks are a thing, but birthday months are excessive. Calm down.

Taurus – Perfectionism is a disease sis, get well soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gemini – Lay off the caffeine. Seriously. You look like an NYC gutter rat.

Cancer – Please don’t cry… there are only 10 more Mondays of school left!

Leo – Your hair looks fine, you don’t need to spend 50% of the day in front of a mirror.

Virgo – No new Euphoria episodes until 2023, time for you to find a new life purpose 🙂

Libra – Your March Madness bracket might be falling apart, but that’s not an excuse to be mean to your friends 🙁

Scorpio – Did you fall in love with an emo girl, or are you the emo one?

Sagittarius – Your goal of becoming TikTok famous is admirable, but you still have to look at colleges.

Capricorn – Sorry about last edition…

Aquarius – You’re the best!!! Absolute icon!! Learn how to do dishes!! Please!! It’s disgusting!!

Pisces – If you spent as much time doing homework as you do procrastinating it, it’d already be done.

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