Fauntleroy’s Forum: To boa or not to boa?

Dear Fauntleroy,

Over the summer, I visited the Zoo, and out of all the animals there, my favorite was the boa constrictor. I have since then wanted to acquire one as a pet; however, some people have expressed concern on whether it is a good idea. What do you think?

Possible Snake Owner

Dear Possible Snake Owner,

Pets can be a wonderful thing to have in life and can have a positive impact on you. But before getting one, some important things to keep in mind with any pet is C.A.T., which stands for chow, abode, and time. These three things are some of the more vital parts of acquiring a pet.

A boa constrictor’s diet consists largely of small rodents, so if you already have a pet hamster, keep it in another room so it won’t see its cousins being swallowed whole. A benefit to having a Boa is that it does not need to be fed very often, so if you go on a trip, you will not have to worry about feeding it.

For a living space, most snakes need very specific conditions to survive as they are cold-blooded and rely on the environment to stay warm. You will also need a large area to keep your constricting friend so they will remain happy.

Finally, before you get a pet, you should factor in how much time it will take to care for it properly. You should set several hours a day aside just to admire your pet and complement it. Even if it looks like it is sleeping, you must still complement its lovely patterned skin, lest it becomes self-conscious, sheds, then runs away forever.

All in all, having a pet is a large responsibility but can lend you immeasurable happiness in return. If you can provide for a pet, I say go for it. Any snake will tell you it is happier in a glass box than roaming South American jungle.


Ed (former author of the advice column “Ask Ed”, pictured above) declined to comment on his successor, Fauntleroy, publishing his first advice column in the Viking Voice. Instead, he merely reclined in his lawn chair and sipped at an unknown beverage in a coconut shell. I think it is safe to assume he is enjoying his retirement.