Drowning In Freshmen

Only one of many. / Photographer: Tommy Sprenger

“Every day I swear I notice another freshman I haven’t seen before,” said junior Juliette Mckenny. “There’s so many and they clump together, it’s very intimidating,” said junior Lucy Troxel. “They took over all the original places I used to hang out in, it’s overwhelming, to say the least,” said sophomore Royce Tye. All this begs the question, why are there so many freshmen? This year Orcas Island high school students have all experienced the struggle of swimming upstream through the endless flow of ninth graders stampeding down the hallway. Students have spent countless hours in the cafeteria, stuck behind what has felt like thousands of kids piled up in the lunch line.

And then there is the freshman advisory class. How do all those kids fit into one room? Some say there are desks and chairs in the hallway and even in the bathroom to accommodate the sheer number of students.

While it is speculated that the economic recession of 2008 may have caused a baby boom resulting in the high number of 14-year-olds on Orcas Island, there could be a more sinister cause. “Where did the giant freshman class come from? This must be a plot to overthrow us,” said junior Sylvia Johnston, and she may be right. There are rumors that the class of 2027 once had just 24 students. Some suspect that somewhere during their seventh-grade year they all contracted an illness that duplicated them. Others are saying the ninth graders are some kind of aliens or even werewolves that are here to destroy us. Perhaps there is some unknown basement in the school that contains a cloning machine built by some kind of extraterrestrial species. Although these are all just conspiracy theories and rumors, it may be warranted to be cautious and alert when it comes to the freshmen. Looking to the future, it is unclear what is in store for the class of 2027, but it sure looks like it will shape up to be an interesting year.