Aries: Are you excited about the hybrid schedule? Haha, who are we kidding, we are going to be stuck at home forever.
Taurus: Yes, February is spelled with an r. Yes, you should know that by now.
Gemini: Herd immunity does not work until 80 percent of us have been vaccinated: you need to keep your mask on a little longer.
Cancer: Go drink some water. No, really, get off your bed and go get a glass of water.
Leo: We all know you are secretly listening to sea shanties during class — do not even try to hide it.
Virgo: What are you doing for mid-winter break? Staying home? Never would have guessed…
Libra: Sure, sure, blame being late to class on “technical difficulties.” We all totally believe you.
Scorpio: Remember when we used to have to not look at our phones all through class? Yeah, we do not know how we did it either.
Sagittarius: The last few months have been tough. Just take a deep breath — as long as you are wearing a mask and have sanitized everything around you — and relax.
Capricorn: We all know you are only excited for Valentine’s Day so you can buy discount chocolate.
Aquarius: How did midterms go? Oops, did we hit a sore spot?
Pisces: Sharing computers during class is not cute or funny. We miss our friends — stop shoving your irresponsibility in our faces.