Aries: How about you leave Santa some hand sanitizer instead of cookies and milk? He will need it.

Taurus: Please keep your caroling to a minimum: singing spreads germs (and we do not think our ears could handle it).

Gemini: Grandma got run over by a reindeer? Well, at least she did not catch COVID.

Cancer: Is your Christmas wish-list just hand sanitizer, masks, and toilet paper? Because that is all you are going to get.

Leo: Neck gaiters and bandanas do not qualify as masks. Period.

Virgo: Hibernation sounds real good right about now, doesn’t it?

Libra: Taking aesthetic holiday Instagram pictures is not more important than your schoolwork.Scorpio: Can you believe we have spent more than three-fourths of the year not leaving our houses? Oh right, you’ve been doing that for your whole life.

Sagittarius: Do not worry. You are not really a year older: 2020 does not count.Capricorn: We are excited to see what lengths you are willing to go to to make sure we all see your new Christmas gifts.

Aquarius: Remember when we thought the Australian wildfires were going to be the defining event of 2020? Hahahahahahahah.

Pisces: Do not cut the power lines to get out of school. We repeat: do not cut the power lines to get out of school.

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