Landon Carter supporting poor life choices / Photographer: Camryn Thompson
You may have noticed the countless potholes in the high school parking lot. Rumor has it that there are plans for repairs, but when? There is a good possibility that nothing will be accomplished until we, as a school and a community, do something about it.
One possible remedy is to encourage everyone to drive faster than the five miles-per-hour speed limit. This will help break down the pavement that a road crew would need to do anyway, so we are just helping out as a generous community. The increased speed will create larger potholes, forcing the school to repave the parking lot.
An unfortunate drawback to this plan is that it may spark a pothole-making addiction. To remedy this, the school could convert some classrooms into temporary rehab centers to help students get clean. If you suffer from this addiction, we advise you to continue driving faster than the speed limit until the road is repaired. When the road get repaved, there will likely be police officers surveilling the area to prevent students from harming themselves and others while driving under the influence of making potholes. Be warned: if you fail to observe the speed limit at this point, you will likely face serious legal consequences. But remember, you can always get help at one of the school’s makeshift rehab centers. We can always count on the school’s endless resources for support.