Dear Fauntleroy,
I have a friend that I exchange gifts with every year but the problem is the value of their gifts fluctuate every year. For example one year it was a 150 dollar toaster oven and the next year it was a freeze dried ice cream bar. Sometimes I feel as if my gifts don’t seem as valuable since some years they spend so much more on me than I do on them. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Concerned Gift Buyer
Dear Concerned Gift Buyer,
After carefully considering your horrible plight of holiday stress for a whole two minutes, I devised a flawlessly foolproof plan that will have your gift matching theirs within the range of 5 dollars. It will be a gift basket of carefully selected items totaling the value of your friend’s gift to alleviate you of all holiday stress. To start you will need to buy five items worth 5, 10, 20, 40, and 80 dollars (make sure you can get a receipt as you may be left with extra items). The beauty of this is that any combination of these items can get you a basket worth any value between 5 to 155 mistletoe green US dollars. For example if you need a basket worth 65 dollars you will use the 5, 20, and 40 dollar gifts. When your friend presents you with their present, you will excuse yourself from the room under the guise of refilling your mug of hot chocolate. In reality you will be scrolling through Amazon to find a price estimate and assembling your basket. You will then return to your friend whom you will be presenting with a present. If this feels insincere to you, you are not wrong. It is. However, it is also genius, and it will solve your problem.
Merry Christmas,
Fauntleroy