Espresso Machine for the Viking Voice … Please?

A sleep deprived OIHS student / Photographer: Hunter Knapp

It is an angry November day, and the rain has just let up. Students are at their tables, hunched over and busy, when one collapses. Then another. Soon the clatter of keyboards goes silent as an epidemic of exhaustion washes over the room. Hours pass until there are any signs of life, only roused by the end-of-day bell.

What you just read is the real account of what happened last week in the Viking Voice lounge. Unfortunately, it is not an isolated event. Long days of enduring teachers’ ‘jokes’ and staying up until 3:00 AM staring at walls wear heavily on the students, who complain of chronic fatigue. Remedies have long been discussed, such as going to sleep at an earlier hour and starting school at a later time. However, the logistics of starting school later requires too much time to sort through and students are justifiably unwilling to cease their wall staring.

With all other options out of the question, the most reasonable solution would be the installation of a lounge espresso machine. Preparations have already been made by the students, with many excitedly buying new coffee mugs, coasters, and “I <3 the Viking Voice Espresso Machine” T-shirts. The desired model has also been selected: the CoffeeUltra 10-cup, 172 oz pot mk.II, with included frother and bean flagellator (WiFi enabled).

Despite the obvious benefits and student longing, the school board remains skeptical, citing absurd issues such as the “ridiculous” cost. This isn’t the first time the board has had issues with sensible and beneficial additions to the school, such as the shutdown of the 2016 proposal for a full massage and spa in the commons or the 2018 request of a hot tub in Vicki’s old room.

Despite past setbacks, there is still hope for the sleepy. During the COVID years, the school board has expanded what they are willing to spend; providing free lunches for all students and lending everyone their own chromebook. It is with this hope that we at The Viking Voice ask for your help. Please, sign our petition and spread the word of our ongoing fight to get our espresso machine and win back our vitality.