Dear Ed,
My girlfriend thinks I’m cheating on her. I’m not, and I would never, but she doesn’t believe me. How do I show her I love her and would never do that to her?
– Not a Cheater
Hello Not a Cheater,
I’m so glad you wrote to me. Cheating is a very difficult thing to get past in relationships, as it breaks trust and ends up creating an almost unbreakable barrier between the two parties. As your girlfriend already believes you to be guilty, you really only have two options:
1) Cheat. Yes, I know what you may be thinking… “but Ed! I love my girlfriend! I want her to trust me! I can’t cheat!” Listen, bud. She already doesn’t trust you; you might as well give her a real reason. Whether or not you’ve done it, she’s still not going to trust you, so live a little! What’s the worst thing that could happen? She thinks you cheated? Ha! Girls like bad boys anyway, so chances are she’ll be even more attracted to you.
2) Propose. It may seem crazy, but trust me on this. Take her to a public place, have all of your friends and family around, get some flowers, music, a ring, and get down on one knee. Chances are she’ll be so surprised by the romantic public display, that she’ll completely forget about her suspicions. At the very least she’ll be too pressured by the number of people around to say no and BOOM! You’ve got her for life! This second option is much more costly, as it requires you to buy a ring, but pro tip: Amazon sells rings for around $30, and as long as she doesn’t look at it too close, she’ll never know the difference.
I wish you luck in your endeavors and I can promise you that by using one of my suggestions, you are ensured to have a long and happy relationship with your girlfriend. Be sure to write back to me and let me know how it goes!
-Ed