Due to high enrollment, OIHS students face space crisis

Intellectuals in an alley / Photoshopper: Hunter Knapp


Our school is like a tin of sardines. Due to classes getting larger and the school staying the same size, our school is
developing a space problem. Navigating hallways is like swimming upriver and the lunch line wait seems to take ages. In short, OIHS has a space problem.

There is a temporary solution that will have to do until the creation of OIHS 2.0 on Mars takes place. The solution is simple, our school has a number of supply closets, maintenance rooms, and other nooks and crannies that can be repurposed to become temporary classrooms.

“Our school has a lot of space that just goes unused,” said the lead member of the project. “The maintenance rooms and the spaces between the ceiling and the roof should add
another couple hundred or so square feet that can be put to
good use.”

When this was announced, many were skeptical about the new arrangement but all were assured that it would be feasible, safe, and cheap.

“As long as students remember to wear a full face respirator they should be perfectly fine,” commented a health official when questioned by a mob of concerned parents.

Although at first many students were unhappy, most soon warmed up to the idea with enthusiasm. Many were also pleased to meet a new school pet called Slinky. Slinky is a fourteen pound gray rat that loves to cuddle. Come visit and feed him a bucket of meat.

There are also several educational benefits that came with the new development. Students that take biology in the ceiling can now experience more immersive lessons on rhinitis when their fellow classmates forget their respirators.

In the storage closets many are making themselves comfortable. “I find the gray concrete to be calming on the eyes, and the lack of windows keeps me from getting distracted,” mentioned one happy student. Another commented on the genius of adding a UV lamp so the school would not need to toil to create means of allowing natural light to enter.

Even though everything is going according to plan for now, we are warned that there will be more. Already, plans for a new underground facility located under the parking lot are underway. That may take months to complete and many are starting to worry that important places like the gym and the commons might be repurposed due to the influx of people.