Congratulations to Justin Krisch-Derr for being recognized as Orcas Island High School’s Student of the Month.
With worn-down Crocs and Adidas track pants, Justin Krisch-Derr is a staple of the Class of 2023. Born in the tropical swamps of Florida, Krisch-Derr moved to the southwest to pursue a life of rock-eating. After being shunned for his rock-eating habits, he moved to Orcas Island, where rocky beaches and an isolated community helped his obsession prosper. In unrelated news, his favorite genre of music is rock.
Music has been a central part of Krisch-Derr’s life for many years. First choosing to play clarinet because of its loud-pitched squeak, he has become proficient in the instrument. Traveling to multiple honor band competitions, Krisch-Derr has made a name for himself based on his musical abilities. As well as playing the clarinet, he is extremely talented on the acoustic guitar, being able to play several chords. Given a guitar for Christmas in 2018, Krisch-Derr is entirely self-taught through Youtube and music books.
“Justin is definitely a character. Other than stealing my hat, he’s nice to almost everyone, and he brings a smile to my face. His people skills are better than his driving skills from what I’ve heard. How much am I getting paid for this again?” said Theo Vacarella, a close friend. During his tenure at Orcas Island High School, Krisch-Derr has contributed greatly to the students around him. In the Fall of 2022, Krisch-Derr caught and restrained a bat terrorizing high school students. In the Spring, he singlehandedly filled the school potholes with gravel. As the school year comes close to ending, the Orcas Island High School Yearbook class is currently having trouble documenting all the great things Krisch-Derr has done for the school body.
“It’s whatever. I just do what I do best and make the world a better place.” remarked Krisch-Derr to the Viking Voice’s Logan Jones. He was surrounded by fans and admirers at the time, so no further comment was obtainable.
Even through all of his good deeds and accomplishments, Krisch-Derr has not gone without criticism. Many critics have questioned why he has not chosen to move his abilities onto a more global scale: “Lakes are drying up. Fires are raging in California. Why doesn’t Justin help people affected by these larger challenges?” said Herb Melville, an outspoken critic of Krisch-Derr’s decisions.
Through all of the controversy and legal red tape that exists to stifle heroes like Krisch-Derr, the student keeps providing for his peers at Orcas Island High School. The amount of lives saved and property damage prevented by the student is commendable in itself. Krisch-Derr’s motto accurately summarizes his impact on Orcas Island: “It doesn’t take an adult to make a difference in the world.”