Orcas Island High School To Adopt New Schedule

At the last Orcas Island School District Bored Meeting, school bored members unanimously adopted a proposed 2016-17 class schedule designed to implement Washington State Bored of Education requirements mandating a 48 credit-load minimum for graduation.

Presently, students in the class of 2019 are required to complete 24 course-hour credits in order to satisfy graduation requirements, but beginning with the class of 2020, that requirement will double.

“Really, what we have, is a change, that will be really good, and lead to more better learning,” said one school administrator.

In essence, the new schedule will mean students will attend eleven 15-minute classes, six days a week, with a 2.5 minute passing time between classes, but with a generous 3.5 minute “break” between periods 8 and 9.

“Likely, the necessity for student breaks in order to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner will become unnecessary, as the Farm-to-Classroom program will begin delivering sustainable, island-raised meals straight to students at their desks,” quipped one local-foods advocate. “We’ll be accepting orders for our eggplant pizza, mushroom fries, and stuffed broccoli spears via Twitter, and arranging classroom delivery as Georgia sees fit.”

Faced with overwhelming negative public comments about the adopted schedule changes at the most recent meeting, one school bored member attempted to clear the air.

“Our students aren’t learning,” he said. “On substrata demographic analysis of HSPE, Smarter Balanced, SAT, ACT, and employment viability indicators tracked by Washington State, our students rate high in expectations, but low in economic productivity.”

“Overall, unless our predominate educational economic outcome expectation is to produce those who are fit to inherit, rather than produce, Orcas Island School District must meet changing state requirements — and soon.”

Likely, most students at OIHS will welcome the change.

“Since they’re at it, might as well schedule us for thirteen classes a day, so that those of us aiming for Harvard or Yale stand a chance,” said one junior during her 3.2 minute passing time between periods 8 and 9. “After all, these improvements will become necessary in the long run, just as it is now necessary for you to disregard everything here except the first letter of each paragraph.”