Mind-blowing cat-astrophe: Freaky Friday comes to OIHS

Meow / Photographer: Hunter Knapp

When Eminem finally went up on stage to perform last month, the crowds were confused–though not particularly disappointed–when he began a lecture on the 19th-century American political atmosphere. Around the same time, student attendance surged in Mr. Comito’s history classes when he would spit straight bars all day instead of teaching. What caused this transformation, and will things ever go back to normal?

It began innocently enough, with Brett McFarland trying to demonstrate to his Applied Physics class how to correctly rewire a battery bank. All went well until an unnamed student trying to replicate the procedure accidentally connected power to the mind-swap terminal instead of the voltage regulator. Although the accident was quickly caught, the damage had already been done. While it is not believed many people were affected by the incident, the full scale is not yet known.

There is no evident pattern for who was affected; it seems that even animals have swapped places with humans. Fauntleroy the cat and English teacher Maurice Austin are believed to have swapped, as Fauntleroy has taken an intense interest in literature and growls whenever someone begins a sentence with “and.” Mr. Austin, meanwhile, has hissed at students and been spotted playing with dead birds far more than usual. When asked if he had switched minds, Austin responded with an inconclusive mewing.

Student Ryan Krisch-Derr is also believed to have switched minds with a banana slug, though no behavioral change has been noted.

As time goes on, the community has started to settle into their new roles. No longer do two people raise their hands when a name is called, and people have finally gotten used to seeing their own bodies walking around without them. Still, there are some hiccups. The administration is not entirely sure whose record to put punishments on, and grading is a complete mess. It isn’t helped by the fact that there are three students claiming to be Kyle Freeman, demanding to be put in charge of the school and that the others are frauds. Freeman himself says that he is the real principal Freeman.

There are some concerns about how long the effects will last. When the incident occurred, McFarland (owner of the device that caused all of this) said the effects were temporary. He kept reasserting that the effect would go away quickly. When confronted by an angry mob, he quickly ran away. Others have been working on the device, and some progress has been made. Custodian Jason Nichols (in the body of Sintia Cruz Hernandez) has led the effort to reverse the aftermath and says “It shouldn’t be too much longer. We think just flipping the wires should do it, but we have been afraid to make the issue worse. I don’t have any idea why a battery bank has a mind-swapper to begin with anyway.”

If you believe that you have been body swapped, please be aware of these signs: symptoms include being a different height, sounding different, or finding that you look like an entirely different person. These all point to the possibility of being body swapped. You may have also just gone through puberty.