Dear Sally: advice from an expert

Dear Sally,

maggieThe worst has befallen me, I can’t fit any more stuffed animals into my room. I have 6 storage units filled to maximum capacity with stuffed animals that I have aquired over the years, but I keep my very favorites in my bedroom. When people enter my home they seem shocked, but honestly I can’t see the problem. My entire house has stuffed animal based decor, including kitchen and bathroom appliances. I noticed that the number of stuffed animals I have results in a higher level of interior design sophistication and feng shui. When I was about 19 I used the last ten thousand dollars of my college fund to buy many of the stuffed animals that I now have, my parents were furious and they disowned me, but at least I’m surrounded by those I love most. Anyway, my room of approximately 60ft by 70ft is almost entirely filled with my favorite stuffed animal friends. It takes me 3 hours every night to wish them all individually a good sleep, but whenever I bring a new one home the rest ignore me. They never say “good night” back. I’ve been considering expanding my room’s dimensions, but I kind of like that it is so small. I have a pathway from my door to my bed and that is all the room that I need, especially when I am so closely surrounded by my friends. I am running out of options! What can I do to solve my problem? Should I do a remodel of the house? Should I compromise the integrity of my stuffed animal friends’ design and use my shrink ray to be able to fit more into my room? Should I change my personality so that my human friends stick around once they have gotten to know me at my own home (I really don’t know why they leave and never talk to me again once I bring them over)? Should I get rid of the rest of my belongings so that more will fit? I am afraid these are all temporary fixes though! What will happen in another week when I have met 57 more stuffed animal friends? I am feeling devestatingly lost, please help me, Auntie!

XOXO from your biggest fan,



First off, you have nothing to be ashamed of having so many stuffed animals, and anybody who tells you otherwise is a toxic person in your life. I, for one, have over 812 individual tea sets that I keep in a special room in my house. Cut out anybody in your life that tries to come between you and your stuffed babies, similar to the fashion I stopped speaking to my family after they began to question the tea sets. Anyone who doesn’t like it can get out. My first suggestion on space would be to move the stuffed animals throughout your home. A few in the refrigerator and freezer, some under the couch, closets, your bathtub and shower. You’d be surprised by the amount of space that can come from some clever reorganization, plus it’ll make more room for more stuffed lovlies to bring into your life. And once reorganization no longer works I’d consider relocating. In my experience, abandoned airplane hangers work quite nicely. You won’t even have to worry about insulating it, just use your stuffed animals to block the draft. But whatever you do, don’t use a shrink ray! I attempted this around my 200th tea set, it compromised the structure of around 20 of the tea sets and left me with a wormhole in my parlor. I still occasionally get technology from the year 2200 that falls through it, but the worst part was replacing the 20 tea sets that had been lost.

Just remember to keep your stuffed animals close and your friends at arm’s length.

Glad to hear from such a dedicated fan,

Aunt Sally