Cereal Killer on the loose: snap, crackle, chop

While acting on a potential Lopez Island homicide, two police officers uncovered an even more disturbing evil.

While the officers initially believed they were investigating a potential murder, reported by a neighbor who heard crashes and yelling, they came upon a much more sinister scene. The contents of a Corn Flakes box had been strewn about the kitchen floor, with many having been stomped into the carpet. Several ground-floor windows showed signs of being tampered with, but all were closed and locked when the officers arrived at the scene.

The sheriff ’s office believes this is in connection with the previous Whatcom County cereal butcherings of 2021. The office has expressed concern that the perpetrator has begun to work in the San Juan Islands, which they say is corroborated by reports of a figure leering at a Cinnamon Toast Crunch sign in a Friday Harbor grocery store. The sheriff ’s office has issued a warning to be on the lookout for an unusually long-necked caucasian male and to report any information immediately.

People are being advised to remain calm but vigilant, and to lock away any cereal they deem vulnerable. The county is also sponsoring cereal-defense classes to teach breakfast foods how to defend themselves from personal attacks. The county has additionally mobilized the state guard to patrol the islands for suspicious activity.

Stores are being cautious as well. The Orcas Island Market has upped its surveillance everywhere, and has two heavily armed guards stationed at both ends of the cereal aisle. The nearby Orcas Food Co-op has temporarily closed down and barricaded itself until the perpetrator has been apprehended.

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