Corrupt Sweater Wednesday Empire Falls

Today, corruption runs RAMPANT in our society! Our governments, our businesses, and now, apparently, even our school events have fallen prey to corruption.

It started innocently enough. Ray Doss and Halle Thomson (juniors at Orcas Island High School) finally decided, after much deliberation, to make their dream of “Sweater Wednesday” a reality. Although it is not obvious from the title, so dubbed “Sweater Wednesday” is the day (Wednesday) where the majority of the school competes in a competition to wear the “best” sweater. It seemed to be all fun and games for the first week or so of Sweater Wednesdays, and the students of Orcas High School reacted enthusiastically. Everyone joined together across racial and socioeconomic divides to frantically dig through closets and wardrobes alike to find the most outlandish sweater, which quickly became everyone’s Tuesday night pastime. Sweater Wednesday was a rising star. Before long however, whispers of discontent began to spread. The bestower of the prize (a disturbingly coveted medium-sized scented candle) was thought to hold too much power.

Ray and Halle faced accusations of favoritism amongst their group of friends. “Its ridiculous,” Ray Doss says when asked about the possibility of Sweater Wednesday being rigged, “I’m not just giving the candles to my friends, Me and Halle carefully weigh each person’s sweaters. Please stop egging my car.”

Out of fear of being discovered and subjugated by the Sweater Wednesday empire, one student speaks out against this rampant oppression anonymously: “I have literally worn the freaking hottest and most ridiculous sweater for the last three months, and Ray and Halle have not even acknowledged my killer sweater game.”

Another anonymous student expressed disbelief that sweaters such as Gwydion’s sparkly cut off, and Mackie’s too-small-christmas-sweater have lost the competition. “It’s hella wack.”

As this turbulent time approaches with the holiday luncheon, Sweater Wednesday draws to a close — and as one of Mr. Austin’s Current Events Class students vented, hopefully forever.