A brief autobiography of a talented student

High school is a breeding ground for ill-formed arguments and pointless squabbles. In an environment where there is little to actually pay attention to, students resort to berating each other over trivial topics such as politics, religion, social justice, world health and many other easily resolvable issues. However, I have been blessed with superior rationalization skills as well as an extensive supply of absolutely true, universal facts. Having spent 10 years in the K-12 school system, I have accrued this massive store of knowledge, one that has prepared me for even the most heated debates. I could probably take on the president.


Could that be the subject of this autobiography? We just don’t know. / Contributed Photo

Generally, I choose to participate in debates that have actual weight in our society, such as whether Starbucks baristas or Grumpy Cat mean more harm to humanity, but these can be pretty heated so I try not to engage in them more than 30 times a day. The interesting thing about this is that since I always win arguments people do not want to discuss these topics with me; instead, they spend their time coming up with ways to promote equality and debating the worth of common and historical governmental structures. Aparently teenagers only think about the mindless “world problems” that the media saturates them with. It is like they just do not think about anything important anymore.

When I do participate in these inconsequential arguments, though, I tend to leave people utterly flabberghasted. Before I developed my own opinions, emphasis on “own”, I never really realized that my persuasive abilities leave people so incapacitated that they no longer have any words to say. I have even heard some say, “I don’t even know how to respond to that.” Crazy, right? I am likely some type of prodigy. A career as a lawyer is most certainly in my future seeing as I have done a Google search on what they do and it seems like my skills would be best put toward prosecuting people who probably committed crimes. It is good to have my entire future planned out at only 15 years old, especially since I know that I won’t change at all between now and adulthood.

You should all remember me by my moniker, Marcial Bertrand. It means powerful and intelligent. If you are wondering, I used Meaning of Names, a top site online, to make my name.