Claire Orser Reinvents “Athlete Of The Month” Title

Our very own Orcas High student, Claire Orser, was named Athlete of the Month by the Northwest 1A2B League. In addition to this honor, Sport Illustrated named Orser the most hopeful, young, and budding high school athlete. Orser’s commitment to the Orcas High sports program has been astounding, however some “students” beg to differ. Some of Orser’s peers say, “I don’t even know what sports she plays.” This is obviously due to the fact that she is playing them all. Orser’s record setting scores have changed the game for many. This has even challenged another successful athlete, Pasha #36 Bullock. Bullock has decided to “quit all sports and pursue my successful career in ABC gum sales.” Orser tells a reporter at The Viking Voice, “When I play I win, I’m the best, I AM THE LEGEND.”


Strong Orser / Contributed photo

Orser explains, “My friends have supported me through it all by improving my Netflix and Chill percentages by nearly 100 percent. I have seen all nine seasons of “Charmed” and I’m currently on season 10 of “Grey’s Anatomy”. I accomplished all of this in just four days.”

While she has been recognized for her abilities, there are those who question Orser’s athleticism. Mike Buckner, Orcas High math teacher, recently asked “What has she done that is athletic? Ever?” Orcas High Athletic Director Vicki Vandermay adds that there are no records of Orser ever participating on a high school team.
Orser started playing sports when she was a small child in pee wee soccer. She was on the yellow team, but the impression she made was gold. Orser soared through the skies with her speedy quick skills, so fast that no one could catch her. “That was the beginning of the end,” says Orser, “ever since that day, the way I feel about sports has never changed.”

Many college scouts are dying to get their hands on amazing student athlete Orser. It’s no doubt that her athleticism and extensive knowledge of each and every sport would be a great asset to any team, from the Seattle Sounders soccer team to the USA curling team. Orser’s admiring fans can only hope she stays true to the game and doesn’t get too caught up in the commercialism of the game. With such brands as Nike and Adidas competing for Orser’s attention, Orser will have to keep her head in the game. As Orser has said herself, “You gotta keep your head in the game bro.”