Aries – Hey, caffeine is great, but sleep is cool too (just not in class)!
Taurus – A shame Santa can’t give you the ability to be emotionally vulnerable.
Gemini – No, you can’t have Gray for Secret Santa.
Cancer – May your holidays be full of food and calories (please don’t drink olive oil).
Leo – Making the same mistakes multiple times isn’t “good for the plot,” you’re just an idiot.
Virgo – You’re supposed to be neurotic about cleaning… so why does your room look like that?
Libra – You’re not “fighting demons,” you’ve just been faced with a minor inconvenience.
Scorpio – Fun fact: shopping for yourself and re-gifting for your friends does not scream “Christmas spirit.”
Sagittarius – Patience is a learned skill. Learn it.
Capricorn- I don’t have a whole lot of advice this week, just wing it I guess. Make muffins maybe?
Aquarius – Aspirations of mediocrity. Increase your soup intake.
Pisces- Happy tears are still tears. Work on keeping it in babes.